Volatile Venture Enthusiast T-Shirts

Stock Market. A bull market is charging ahead. A bear market will eat you alive. We're in a kangaroo market - it just keeps hopping up and down.

Profit

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'What's amazing is that I only threw one stick.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

S.S.dot.com

Bio, Inc. Should we continue to invest in this promising new cloning technique? Yeah, let's double down on it.

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

"Money is life's report card."

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

Businessman feeding the vultures

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

"And who, may I ask, is financing this startup country?"

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."