Vocabulary Virtuoso Gifts

"Sometimes, from time to time, now and again, at times I wish I'd never been given this Thesaurus."

'My teacher said that the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's vocabulary?'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

"I procure considerable gratification from belles-lettres."

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

"I bought a dictionary so I'll never be at a loss for words."

Dr. Samuel Johnson

'Sorry, too wordy.'

"Try and tell me what's bothering you - use your S.A.T. words."

'The fruiter surmised that the zineb caused catface.'

Wordplay: Insecticide.

'Dad, I know what opprobrium means.'; 'That's great, son. Do you know anyone else who does?'

Wordplay: Gastronomy.

'He was getting tetchy over the duopsony for the last sweeting.'

'He offered to use a sudarium to make his studdie sheeny.'

'The sejant muzhik would tiffin on colza and clupeids.'

"My action words are bouncing back and hitting me in the face."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'The horrent pyknic was a crummy kegler.'

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

Sesquimo: One and one-half Eskimo.

'He knew he was hyte when his last locofoco seemed gynecoid.'

'He mistakenly preed mundungo for the aga.'

"Honestly, Baldo, sometimes you're languid to the point of lethargy. Wouldn't you say you're torpid."

When English majors become waiters.

"Hey guys, this is the only book you need. It contains every word of every book!"

"Is there another word for thesaurus?"

"It's a play on words."

'The fou editress found tieless newshawks eyesome and then some.'

"Call it spring cleaning - I threw out all my dictionaries."

Roget's Brontosaurus.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

"Spelling bee podium"