Visiting A New Doctor Prints

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"So what brings you in today?"

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Just remember keep your chin up Arthur"

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"