Vision Guru T-Shirts

'Make sure they fit straight'

"Yes, the glasses work well, but now that I can clearly see what we're fed, I've lost my appetite..."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

If nobody had invented graphics

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I could do that.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

A balloon seller is selling thought bubble balloons

The Rise of Modern Art

'Wow, talk about genius!'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

AI Safety Officer

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

'Great idea, Philpott. Wish you'd thought of it.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Job Safety - Hardhat.

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

Creative accounting.

Beware of Everything

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Nice park. . .

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'