Virtue Philosopher Pillows

Sloth is a sin, Brother Ernest. Ah, yes, but patience is a virtue.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Aging Support Group

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Okay - who leaked?'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

Yogi back in 5.

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

Priest

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

Women

Who's Dead

Out for lunch... GOD