Virtual Health Enthusiast T-Shirts

'If you're contagious, fax us your symptoms, and Dr. Sims will e-mail his diagnosis.'

I'd like you to get out more.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Deposit phones here

'Angiogram.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

Zoo Zoom Zoomba

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

Father Tim is enjoying the new normal a bit too much.

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"I've got 200,000 Facebook followers, but not one real friend..."

Baby Yoga

'I'm here to check the condition your condition is in.'

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

"I don't care what it said when you looked up your symptoms on the internet. You arenot Anorexic."

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

'The doctor doesn't actually see patients any more, but you can call his 900 number.'