Vino Victor Pillows

'Doing fine, thanks. I've narrowed it down to one of these.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Queen of Quinoa

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

Redhead

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

A giant glass of red wine

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Red Wine

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"Just to be clear, this is a hike, not a ‘walk.’"

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Nouveau wine

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."