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The following program was formatted to fit your small, constipated view of the universe.

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

'It's like having our own private luxury box in the game of life.'

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Slip Ahoy!'

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Beer Order

'Hey, hey, hey!'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

Binge Watch

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Too many cooks also spoil the movie.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"