Veterinary Radiologist Pillows

'Melvin, you have so much lead in your pants you don't need an apron....

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Lactose Intolerant

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Pregnant women having a ultrasound done.

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Fill it up!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

Wilhelm Rontgen's first attempt at X-rays: shining a bright light through Madame Rontgen.

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

Cat Scan

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'