Ventilation Virtuoso Pillows

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'Are you the bloke who complained about a very powerful extractor fan?'

Prize vegetables.

An informed voter is a good voter

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

'That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again.'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

Bring It On!

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'I'm afraid the motion has been carried and you lost.'

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

Coronavirus dancing around an EU flag

"Turn down the bass."

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

COVID-19

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"It's a VERY novel variant!"

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'