Veggie Venture Capitalist T-Shirts

'Not a shed, just a shop.'

Profit

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

Bio, Inc. Should we continue to invest in this promising new cloning technique? Yeah, let's double down on it.

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Money is life's report card."

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

S.S.dot.com

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Businessman feeding the vultures

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

"And who, may I ask, is financing this startup country?"

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

Taken genetic engineering too far

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."