Veggie Stylist Pillows

Hairdresser pruning a vegetable.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Taken genetic engineering too far

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'That chap really knows his onions!'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"I remember when we wouldn't buy the bent knobbly ones. Now we pay twice as much for them."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'I'm in a lot of trouble, but it's worth it. There's not enough dirt left to grow spinach.'

'Not a shed, just a shop.'

We've been working on them in the wind tunnel...

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

Dreams of Spring...

'Lettuce pray!'