Veggie Jokers Pillows

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Better Not Squash.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

“Children hate me.”

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Look...it's almost empty! Those pesky birds need to quit stealin' the food out of this squirrel feeder!'

The vegan hunter

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

Autumn Only $5 Per Bag

'You finish those veggies or you get no pud.'

'Lettuce pray!'

'The salad is that expensive because we had to find a new place for the snails and worms.'

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

"My biggest problem is squatters."

'I feel rootless.'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

Rabbit being eaten.

Still life?

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

'Keep this to yourself, Henderson, this will fund our research for the next ten years!'