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The road to conclave.

Papal Diplomacy

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

Vlad the Inhaler

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Movie Monster Exhibit: Unavailable due to much needed repair work.

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

Lady vampire putting lipstick on in a mirror with no reflection

Vampire Bat

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

Love Hurts

"Look, we're three thousand years old. No one's going to hire us."

Little Van Helsing was dissapointed that, again, there was no monster under the bed or in the closet.

'Count Dracula, I wish you'd come to me sooner...'

Vampire with a violin

"Wait! First, his attorney."

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

Count Alucard's Night-Care Center.

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

Count Flatula

Two vampire businessmen on their way to work. One yawns and says: 'I've got to sort out my work-death balance.'

'At least, you could have left a tip.'

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

"You've been grinding your fangs."