Value Ponderer T-Shirts

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

business

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'I think I know what the problem is!'