Upgrading Home Technology Pillows

Please Swipe Your Feet

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"This home comes with all the latest technology. As part of the tech package, tech-support will live with you until you figure out how to use it all."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Bootsy has welcomed the vacuum robot into our home in her own unique way."

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

'Better buy one now - before they make them too big to fit into your house.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

'Well, I finally made the switch from cable to satellite.'

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

"I upgrade then it's obsolete and I have to upgrade again! As soon as I upgrade I have to upgrade again! Upgrade! Upgrade!! Always upgrade!!"

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

'Wow, thanks for putting it into context. My 42-inch plasma really is obsolete.'

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

"It's a smart app. It locks the doors and windows if it hears the words 'change management consultant'."

'I don't know if artificial intelligence in a toaster is a good thing. It just seems to make toast whenever it feels like it.'

"I'm spending way-y-y too much time watching my ultra-wide TV."

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

'Why do you want a chimney sweep anyway? You're all electric...'

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."