Unromantic Hero Mugs

'The service station was out of flowers so I got you some Valentine's day engine oil'

Saving a Heart

Romance of Radio Astronomy

"I have such strong feelers for you."

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

Man proposes holding a balloon.

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

Introverted Chair

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"Stop with the tennis balls! There's no oil down here... just monsters."

"They were only supposed to find truffles, but then they found Roger - a man who curiously smells a lot like truffles."

The Invention of Country Music.

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"Go ahead and touch my light. It's made of boyfriend material."

"My new boyfriend is a golfer. . .he's very good with his putter!"

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

"If I'm drowning in my water bed at home, will you come and save me?"

"Era un gato grande... Que hacia ro ro..."

"You monster!"

'I hate networking.'

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

Broken-hearted young man placing an advertisement in the paper.

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

A man cries over the arrow through his heart.

"Just when I thought I was almost over my boyfriend breaking up with me...I ran out of ice cream!"

Social Networking or Death

Achilles' other weakness.

The quest for spinsterhood.

"Daddy why are your hands so soft?" "That's because I'm effeminate son."

"He's always been unlucky with love."

"Well, we met on a 'Car Seat Safety' group. I joined to troll, she was a moderator, the rest is history."

"Yellow? Don't call us until it's at least an orange alert."