University Pride T-Shirts

'This new guy is getting on my nerves.'

"Well...no wonder you're a smart ass!"

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Do you have any of those cars with 'My Child Is An Honor Student' bumper stickers on them?'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Wow, the current is strong today. It reminds meof the championship race backwhen I was at Yale. Did I mention I rowed at Yale?"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

Med School Mascots.

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

Pre-graduate and post-graduate student.

"I'd prefer this to a gold watch any day."

Harvard Waiting List

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race,1870-The Crews Approach Putney Bridge

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race, 1870 - Crews before Boarding

Higher education.

"Are you sure her voicemail didn't say to 'bring a rose'?"

Branded? Nah, that there's a decal where my kid goes to college. OU.

OK Corral.

Major US universities, public view: ATHLETICS...everything else.

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."

"No, not Yale. A fork in the road."

'And now a message from Indiana University President Myles Brand.'

'Look Darling, it's Crazy Eddie from University. He hasn't changed a bit.'

Putney Princesses.

'The owners of Walmart have donated $275 million to Arizona State University. The donation will be in the form of dented plastic jugs and leftover Valentine's Day candy.'

'Now don't forget to stimulate the economy of your alma mater.'