University Faculty Pillows

Tenure.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"They've decided to resolve the department's conflicting educational philosophies."

OK Corral.

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Honorary degrees for sale, $5 each.

'Dr. Znarfglaub is our new faculty member - he doesn't speak English, so he's the perfect affirmative action hire!'

"You think you can just bribe your son's way into college with a $5000 check? We'll need at least £10,000!"

Graduate Joins the Unemployment Queue.

Alone in the great blue sea at last, Professor Hoehns comes to know panic firsthand.

"I knew that some children have to return home after university, but I didn't think it would be the lecturers."

Martin's Magic Carpet: Martin views the Middle East situation for himself.

"Hello sir? I believe your name is Grant. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself?"

The tentative professor in Ireland - Marjorie is stumped by the variety of shillelagh

Safe spaces?

New to the vessel, professor Yomp still says 'Ahoy' a lot, an awful lot!

Doctorate Stand

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

End of Affirmative Action

Prof. Flocking was very influential on campus. Particularly amongst the Ornithologist."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Welcome to the future"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Ethics exam cheater.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'