Faculty Pillows

"The biggest difference between you and me is that I'm version 8.7 and you're still version 5.1."

"I'm on a special diet; no school food."

"It's very simple... you give up your students' First Amendment rights and you get to keep your academic freedom. Mostly."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

Modern Wonders...Wireless Man

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Welcome to the future"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Ethics exam cheater.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Big Bang Theory.

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

Eternal Student.