Universal Service Appreciator T-Shirts

"Wow! You do have a triple A membership!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

You've Got Mail

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Next to my two years in the Marines, you're the best thing I've ever done."

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

'Small acts of kindness, officer, can go a long way toward making this world a better place.'

Sue Perkins

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"Mommy you're perfect!"

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

Alternative Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

"And this is the Ward where you'll be working."

"Here's our verdict. Can we go now?"

We're with the gutter cleaning service.

"That's Ed's brother. He gave us the shirt off his back. Unfortunately he's still in it."

'This restaurant is great They always keep my water glass full,'

"Rex, I've always admired your loyalty to the firm."

'That's my slogan, you lousy thieveing creep!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but your warranty, for 'more fun' is void after 90 days if you don't use breathing hole.'

"I have bad eyesight and I'm tone deaf, so I didn't choose daddy for his looks or ability to sing, but because he was sweet and kind-hearted. . ."

"I'm trying to position myself as loyal."

A waiter carrying a tray of drinks

Teacher's Day Gifts in Cuba

'I'm not really hungry, bit on a cold rainy night room service is just such a treat!'

"No, you can't go back for your sports magazine's swimsuit issue."

"Well, I'd say I'm naturally curious, rather bookish and exceptionally smart. I'm good at being honest, too."

-"People are our second most important asset." -"And our first? Money I suppose."

World's Greatest Mom...I approve of this message.