Unique Identity Defender T-Shirts

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

What Does God Know?

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

'I'll have to keep my name after we're married.'

Man losing his honesty

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

Scott Walker keeps his job.

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

At that moment Spartacus realized he was the victim of identity theft.

'. . . but I didn't belong to the union, so a scab stole my job!!'

I am what I am. Ain't no politician, political party, nor other group gonna change my plan. Your business is yours and mine is mine...don't make me break open a spinach can!"

'Can't say. It's private.'

"Which version of yourself was the one who sabotaged the relationship?"

"I'll need to see some ID before you can settle this account..."

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

Home/work masks.

"Just put in 'guy who wears a toilet on his back' and I should pop right up."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie: My name is Morgan Peterson and I work with the finance house here in the Netherlands. Our late client, Mr. Williams, bequeathed his entire $650,000,000 estate to you. He was a big fan of your show. Anyway, so that the funds can be transferred to you, all I need is your bank account number and password, your social security number, name, address, phone number, birthdate, and the times when you are away from home. There is no risk to you. Sincerely, Morgan Peterson. I will h

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

'You fool! -- This man is obviously an impostor!'

'But my friends call me Lefty.'

"Remember when your identity was stolen? I just bought it back at an on-line shopping center."

"Here lies Barry and his several social media identities."

'Not just your identity. I also stole your vibe.'

"You can't call me a mongrel anymore- it's not PC. These days I'm a hybrid."

"You look a lot like one of us," this guy said. "Are you a Roscoe?"