Unhealthy Diet Connoisseur Pillows

'You're one to talk!'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Fat man on scales.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.