Unexpected Worker T-Shirts

"What's wrong, Joey? You're whistling. You never whistle."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

Off Duty.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Around here it got a little tricky...

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

Office Park

"The boss expects us all to be robots."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

Park bench reserved for Mi6 recruitment.

'A word in my office Jones.'

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

'I can assure you we take privacy concerns very seriously. Now, on your way out, shut the bloody door.'

The boss yells at me whenever I try to think outside the box! He's giving you some constrictive criticism!

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

"Why don't you try learning from your own mistakes?"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Drop dead. Well that's good start to our negotiations.'