Unexpected Recovery Pillows

"Your husband seems to have recovered - it's what we call a never event."

"I didn't expect to see you again, Mr Sykes. The tablets worked then?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Surprise!"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'