Unemployment Analyst Pillows

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

Luckily the exhorbitant price of fuel coincided with record levels of unemployment.

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

Dolestart - A New Initiative

"We're not on vacation anymore. The company folded."

Bribes.

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

Rising Housing Costs vs Wages.

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

"We will create 12,000 new jobs...but we only need 4,000 new employees because on these salaries they'll need three jobs each to make a living!"

Now Firing.

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."