Underwater Punster Pillows

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Chicken soup for the sole.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

Water is discovered on the moon....

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'