Unconventional Mind Pillows

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Cactus seats.

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Ben had it custom built. He gets to all the good spots first.'

You are much more likely to think outside the box if it is broken.

"Things are looking up!"

'Oh Ernie, you're a louse, but I love you.'

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

"Are we overthinking this?"

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Benjamin Franklin.

"Every once in a while he gets nostalgic for Woodstock."

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

"OK, let's hear it - but this better not be another one of your pie-in-the-sky ideas."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

'Do you know where your phone charger is? . . . I know where mine is.'

"Hold on - the ref is checking the rule book."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

"Francine, you're a rebel!"

If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they... market a roll of tape that's easy to start every time?!

A man without a chicken on his head!

"If robots can replace workers, then they can replace students. So I created one for me. Now I can stay home all day and play video games."

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

Too Weird to Have a Husband

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

"What can I say - it turs out wheels were a social construct all along."