U.s. Congress Pillows

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

CONGRESS, 'It was a really tight race this time -- I had to use some of my campaign contributions for CAMPAIGNING!'

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Beware of the Legislation

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

'I saw my shadow this morning, so I guess we're in for six more weeks of government gridlock.'

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

Mice in the Commons

'Senator, maybe you should be more DISCREET about all this.'

'Hey, I voted for the big tax hike because suffering builds character!'

'I've thought up a great amendment to campaign finance reform -- special Medicare benefits for sore losers!'

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

"They heard about the 'Party Hearty' legislation."

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"A reconciliation bill? -- I've been in Congress for 37 years, and I've never reconciled anything!"