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Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

It's academic

Nicholas Parsons RIP

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

"Shouldn't have bought a touch-screen TV."

'Before I met you, I didn't know any of the sitcom characters by their first names,'

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

Useless-memory lane

'No! The bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays was called 'Flashman' not 'Paxman'.'

When TV networks hold pledge drives, you know the economy isn't in great shape.

'And who are your chosen subjects?'

"They're called leftovers, not 'reruns'."

Welsh countdown

'It's a smart TV - it only turns on for Mastermind.'

"Someone should tell her...her breath will smell bad after this."

"Any idea what's on the TV?"

Cue-card holder auditions.

Trivia Pursuit

Sitcom News 'Hey, Marcia! Where's that darn news! I can't find it anywhere!'

"I'll take squirrel behavior for $500."

'TV: What not to watch.'

Question - 'What does 'DVD' stand for?' Reply - 'Dick Van Dyke.'

"Did you happen to catch the last season of 'Lost'?"