Tv Timer Mugs

"They grow up so fast."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

Lazy Octopus

Tree house.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Fishermen

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

"He's an indoor cat."

Couch and Potato

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Running Latte

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

Remote control wars.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."