Tv Culture Critics Prints

'I've been selected to take part in the Nielsen ratings!'

'Welcome to the new reality show. Who's the real-life whistle-blower?'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

Giant Monster in Bath

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Can't Touch This

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Christmas TV...

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Nick Cave

Snow White and her Seven people.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'