Tv Critic Sans Tv Prints

'There's nothing on television - Do you want to have a fight?'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Can't Touch This

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Christmas TV...

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''