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"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

"No, just hear him out. Maybe we are being too defensive."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

"When did this game get started?"

"Right-ho, Jeeves!"

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"I am a control freak."

Sports Bar. Do you even do any fantasy sports? Only when I'm making a bet on my favorite team.

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'I'm working on the report for the third quarter as we speak.'

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.