Tv Cooking Show Critic Prints

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'You may well have eaten fresher fish before but not in this restaurant. . .'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Here's one I made earlier.

Taste of the east (London).

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

My Cauldron Rules

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

"I should have known he has absolutely no morals - I've seen how he loads a dishwasher."

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'Meat cooked? Yes, but the carrots are hard.'

'One thing about your salads, I learn a lot about insects. You forgot to wash the lettuce again!'

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

"Guilty! The broth was awful!"

'Hey, I enjoyed that meal. Did you get the caterers in, or something?'

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'