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"It's Joe's junk yard. He wants to buy some air time on the trashiest show we've got."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

Important Food Groups

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

100 best beheadings

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"He's an indoor cat."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

Honesty in retail

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

Couch and Potato