Turtle Ticklers T-Shirts

'We don't get many turtles here.'

Concert Pianist.

Piano Recital

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

The Stripper

Tortoise polishing his shell

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

Where baby grand pianos come from.

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Emmanuel Ax

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

"I think I just chased the wrong squirrel."

"I am trying to keep it low key."

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

'No-one can avoid cuts!'

Piano Shop.

Trolley Rage.

Witness the Slap & Tickle School of Negotiation.

Free tickles any size

"I've never been so insulted in my life! If my arms could reach, I'd slap your face!"

'Kitchy, kitchy, kitchy-koo'