True Crime Devotee Pillows

'A free plastic toy, cornflakes scattered around the victim... Yep, it looks like our cereal killer alright!'

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Elliot Ness monster.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"True crime meets reality TV"

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

Madoff and devil.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"I couldn't finish that book either."

The Investigation

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Fake Counterfeit Money