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This year's must-have Christmas toy... Cattle Patch Kids.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

celebrating a birth.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Love.

Birthday Racing Car

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

Valentines Balloons

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And that,and that,and that...'

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Fred, Sam, Brian, John, Walter, Jeff...."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

A feminist Christmas.