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"The two things that really drew me to vinyl were the expense and the inconvenience."

'and this one's for people who've hurt their wrists wearing too many wristbands'.

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

Put me down for whoever comes out ahead in your poll.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'No, it's not one of those trendy slanted skirts...she's just tucked it into her pants.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

Spot the face-lift.

Demand for reclaimed barn wood causes wave of new barn construction.

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Well, I find it intimidating. I mean, any minute they could fall down completely!'

'Eight years old and no mobile!'

'I'm worried they'll have some crappy name for us like 'millenials' when we grow up.'

"Vaccinations soar as pfizer releases their seasonal pumpkin spice flavor."

'And for our middle-aged customers, we've developed this orthopaedic backrest.'

"We were out-gunned from the get-go. We're fidget spinners and they're Rubik's Cube."

Final words on gravestones.

"Wow! Why do you have no tattoos?"

"Oh, how sweet. I haven't seen any mother-daughter outfits since the late forties."

Thirty Days to a Fatter Wallet

"But without expensive brand logos all over your clothing, you're just another indiscriminate consumer!"

"Last year it was macrame, this year it's Christianity"

Womens dressing rooms.

'I'm de-toxing my bookshelves.'

"Now I have to start pretending I like graphic novels too?"

"I like a relaxed fit."

"He's deliciously old school."

Non-game changers

"Do we know what we're getting ourselves into with spelt?"

"I hope your father had missed the latest men'-fashion supplement in the New York 'Times' but - alas - he did not."

"I'll have whatever's your most populist beer."

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."