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"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"That shirt is so last year."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

Giraffe Selfie

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

Hoxton map.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"Sorry, sir. The baggage must match the passenger."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Brooklyn is the Manhattan of the other boroughs."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'