Travel Soothsayer T-Shirts

Information desk manned by a fortune teller.

The experienced backpacker.

'What zip code are we in now?'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'Are we broke yet?'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Columbus Discovers that when Exploring, It's Not Such A Great idea to Bring The Family Along.

Airplane food

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'Mom! Do they have traffic lights and stop signs in the sky?'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

Face it, Bob, we're lost. Welcome to Faceitbobwe'relost pop. 2.

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"Where should we fly to for our next vacation?"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

I'm afraid of Chia Pets, doctor. Actually, Al, so am I. Either you're getting well, or I'm going nuts.

"Have you decided where to travel?"

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

'What a bargain!'

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."