Travel Humorists Pillows

'Pardon, Monsieur. What is time, please?' Man replies: 'Time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur in irreversible succession from the past to the future.'

Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.

"We have a new and cunning plan - we're going to inject the Soil with Viagra."

"Now boarding all passengers seated in Discomfort Class."

"I've worked out this sat nav thing...oh we're already here..."

Cramped airport departure lounge.

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

The Chippendales go through airport security.

'Arrivals' 'Drugs Mule'

London Zoom.

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'All we have for Paris is a flight that makes a detour over Iran. It's a drone.'

Excess Baggage: Cruise passengers can come up with some pretty amazing questions.

Gondolier Hat

"Okay smart arse you choose our holiday destination next time!!"

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

"Looks like on of those 'Staycationers' in his motor home."

"Well that's just great!! I guess we really are flightless birds now!!"

"You can't take your wife as a carry on."

'Could you check row ten? I think I left a few things in the seat back pocket.'

Catch 72

"My guess it's guacamole."

Welcome to Divided Airlines. We have an announcement. We know many of you have grown accustomed to us periodically misplacing your baggage. But we can do better. We can raise the bar. In the future, we plan on a random basis to open your luggage, take out carious pieces of your clothing and personal items, and accidentally displace them at different airports. You will then be allowed to spend money with us to fly to the airport to retrieve your belongings. We hope you enjoy our heightened effort

Hi! You guys going away this summer? No. Too bad. A change of scenery is good. We're on vacation now. Oh, I forgot. Your kids are gone for the week. Peace in our lifetimes.

People Holidaying in the Highlands

Passenger profiling takes a new turn.

Business acquaintances on holiday

Echo Point.

'We thought we'd buy a few bottles of duty free wine before migrating north for the summer.'

"...And lastly, do not block the aisle when being dragged off the plane!"

Wife leaves husband for airline pilot