Toy Therapist Pillows

'I'm giving you a referral to Bobby Smith down the street.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Licensed Therapist

Santa Claus's Mail

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

That one has all the batteries!

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

Couples' therapy

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I hate Mondays.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

Slinky Cow World

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."