Tourist Guide Pillows

"Oh, how very French."

"This is nothing like the photo on Airbnb."

'Why can't we just say lingua franca in English?'

'Ici on parle Anglais'...'Ici on se rit de votre fran?ais.' ('We speak English here'...'We laugh at your French here')

'English?...do...you...speak...ENGLISH?'

Tourists and their Pets.

Gecko Point.

Here, There, Everywhere.

"A large donation usually calms him down."

The Antiquary

The Everest Experience: Cafe and Gift Shop

Cleaner at the world's biggest maze clearing out skeletons.

Try a tour of historic Venice in our traditional glass bottomed gondola.

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

Two men in a capsized canoe

"Wine? No - it eez mushy peas for our "English week.'"

Statue of Liberty holding energy saving light bulb.

Tourist Information.

"Amsterdam? Boy, am I lost!"

Looking at You Are Here Map "How do they know?"

'So each year The Boat Race is between Oxford and Cambridge. Wow, that's a long way to row in just twenty minutes!'

Visitor points out Tower of Pisa is leaning. Official replies, 'I think that's always how it's been'.

"Cynthia! Bridle your enthusiasm."

Multi-million pound visitor centre - 'To be honest, this is the only place in the city worth visiting'

'...Do not feed the bears'

"Boy, you guys really aren't ready for the Olympics."

Kraut Kontrol.

"It's soon to be listed in the National Register of Historic Military Holes in the Ground."

'Can you tell me where James Herriot lives?'

Up North Training

the guard

"Well, I guess it's not the Lost City, after all. He asked if I was the FedEx guy."

"Oh, God – is that what I look like?"

"Not yet, wait until he faints."

"It's our time of Thanksgiving."