Tortoise Pace Admirers Pillows

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'Multiple personality.'

Brexit Tortoise

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"I've downsized."

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"Travellin' through?"

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Old Tortoise

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

'Don't you think its time you packed in doing press ups?'