Tortoise Fans Pillows

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Mikado

"Eat my dust!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Newborn bird sees tortoise and starts wearing shell.

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Yeah, the commute is killing me too: I live a full kilometre away...

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"I've downsized."

'How's the egg?' '.Turtle crawls out'

Brexit Tortoise

'Multiple personality.'

Psychaitry. Are you sure lying on my back is the best way to address my feelings of helplessness?

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Old Tortoise

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

"In my opinion, the best invention was the TV-remote: It used to take me ages to change channel when I had to walk from the couch to the TV..."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'