Tortoise Fans Pillows

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Mikado

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Newborn bird sees tortoise and starts wearing shell.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'How's the egg?' '.Turtle crawls out'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Yeah, the commute is killing me too: I live a full kilometre away...

Brexit Tortoise

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"I've downsized."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Multiple personality.'

Old Tortoise

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet