Toothpaste Prankster Pillows

'Toffee is very bad for your teeth.'

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

'Court's in recess!'

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

'I counted them as well. . .There were four too many.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

Pants Uglifier!

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

MD. Take this prescription to any grandma and get some milk and cookies.

Write "Brenda' but use disappearing ink

Reason # 23 that doors don't make perfect seal against winter winds: Mischievous unemployed elves.

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

An artist waits to ambush an easel

"Student unicorn"

Dog makes cats float with helium.

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'We don't have to anesthetize patients anymore. I just walk in with this and they pass out in a second.'

'You're so soft today. Did you switch to 2-ply?'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

It's not a fortune - it's a list of food code violations at the Chinese restaurant next door.

How to mince a pie 1. Get hold of a pie 2. Mince that pie 3. Serve to your guests

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...