Toddler Milestones Pillows

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

The No No No's

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'At lone at last.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'Guess who's teething?'

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Dominant hand reveal party

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

Eagle parenting.

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Sparkler

"We're a great team, Sash—you with your small and large motor skills, me with my spatial awareness and hand-eye coördination."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

Parenting is... watching them sleep.

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'What do you think you're up to?'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??