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'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Second hand furniture.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

Sundial Time

Time for vacation, time for work.

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

"Early model of baggage claim"

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"I don't know who you are!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I did my report on time travel, but my dog ate my homework in the future."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

The power of now